Lady Ponder

A blog for the real and contemporary woman


What I wish my 20 year old self knew

15 Things I would have told my 20-year-old self

I loved my 20-year-old self, besides having a killer body, no stretch marks and perky boobs, she also knew everything about pretty much everything. She had life all figured out. Despite the fact that she had not experienced life….well much yet, she was a guru in most major topics such as Love, marriage, parenting and business. In defiance of my 30-year-old self who know allot less these days.

Oh how I miss my ignorant, impulsive and placid 10-year-old junior self.

That being said, there’s a magnitude of things I wish I knew when I was 20, things that would have made my life so much easier, and things that could have prevented so much pain.

So the advise I would have given my 20 something year old self:

  1.  I wish I knew that right at that stage in my life, I would NEVER again be that skinny, firm and have virtually no wrinkles and have such great skin. I wish I knew that I looked better than what I probably ever will in my life again. I would have embraced it much more, and worried about it much less. I would have had so much more confidence.
  2. The amount you think you know about anything is microscopic compared to the amount you don’t know, and the amount you still need to learn. And as you get older you will feel like you know less and less because only now you start realising the immense amount you still need to learn, and the complexity of the matters you now think you’ve got all figured out.
  3. This is a tough one to realise but, there is no Fate, destiny, fairy tales or soul mates. The one is the one only because you say he is, not because of some cosmic, supernatural intervention bringing the 2 of you together. YOU Choose. In addition, no one person can satisfy your every emotional need, your happiness have to start with you, and if it depends entirely on another person, you are in big trouble.
  4. A life lived with passion and based on emotions are exceedingly more satisfying (and draining unfortunately) than your attempt to try to rationalize everything. Because there is ALLOT that cannot be rationalized. You must however learn to be more in control of your emotions. This one was a tough one for me, and it took me some years to learn to control my emotions as oppose to it controlling my life.
  5. Heartbreak and brutal break ups will be imminent. At times, heartbreak will reduce you to the fetal position on the bathroom floor, where you’ll be weeping uncontrollably and life as you know it will come to a stand still. I don’t think these will ever get easier, but you will get back up. Your heart will mend. You will forget. And one day in the future, it will all make sense.
  6. The fact that you’re good at school doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be successful in real life and visa versa. You will learn very little life skills in college or university.
  7. Everything is more complicated than it appears on the surface. Love and Life in general is very complicated. Everything is not just black and white, in fact there are at least 50 shades of grey (pardon the pun).
  8. You will make your fair share of mistakes. There will be poor choices, brutal breakups, traumatic events, and unrequited infatuations, all of which will hurt a great deal. These mistakes or poor choices by no means define you as a person, it will make you stronger and wiser.
  9. Spend the money on a house, not the wedding.
  10. Very little of what is happening in your life right now matters, very few people matter, in fact after graduation you wont see 99% of those people ever again.
  11. Stop being so naive, don’t trust everyone and stop putting yourself in such dangerous situations. You are not untouchable, and a lot of bad things happen to good people  just because they trusted the wrong people.
  12. Life and love really is very unfair and cruel, and a lot of it just doesn’t make sense, and probably never will.
  13. If you think life is complicated now, wait until you are 30. The level of complicatedness raises to 10, but so does the level of content, fulfillment, confidence and gratitude.
  14. The best is yet to come, don’t sweat the small stuff so much right now.
  15. Oh, and your 30-year-old will be pretty awesome, at long last confident, successful and completely content and grateful for what really matters in life. And although you still have not figured everything out, you will finally, finally feel like earth is home…for the most part

In conclusion I think we were never supposed to know better, we were destined to make those mistakes in our 20’s as most of it contributed immensely to who we are today.

Anyway I am sure my 20-year-old self would have told me to STFU right about now.



good adviceI knew everythingi wish i knewin my 20'smy 20 year old selfyounger me

Cindy Breet • February 9, 2015

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