Lady Ponder

A blog for the real and contemporary woman


My Husband is not my soul mate

I know this statement is bound to provoke controversy. And the individuals perspective about this subject will differ drastically depending on their age, and their relationship status.

I have thought about this quite extensively, and the realization was a bit of a shock to me too.

After all, everything we have been taught and everything we  see and read suggest that your husband should be your soul mate, and if he is not, you are in big trouble…….right?

Now soul mates have been described as many things, some suggest soul mates have a mental connection, similar to twins.  That your minds will always be in tune, even when apart. WOW. Now I don’t know about you, but I definitely do not share such a “mental connection” with my husband. Usually chaos reigns in my house around the evening hours. Typically I am screaming for some help when I have a toddler in the shower sounding like he is about to drown, there is a looming odor in the house of burned dinner, and the house looks like a tornado has gone through  it, yet my husband is nowhere to be found, in all probability busy with some project somewhere blissfully unaware of the absolute chaos around him. Now if there was any mental connection what so ever…he would have just known.

Soul mates have been defined as many things, all significantly unrealistic, idealistic and implausible. The term Soul Mate suggests that out of 7 Billion people on this planet, there is 1 other individual out there that has been created for the purpose of fulfilling your every emotional, spiritual and physical need, and you theirs…. Sounds a bit far-fetched right?

I reject the entire premise of soul mates. Soul mates aren’t real! The believe in it  will let you down and make all your real, healthy and sometimes not-so-perfect relationships feel less than what they are, because your expectations will never be in line with reality. Your aim will be unrealistic, and in the long run ALWAYS disappointing.

I know, I know, you don’t want this to be true. I certainly don’t, but it is.

7 Billion People! I think you could have an abundant marriage with any number of compatible potential partners. You choose “the one”, and you consciously choose to love that person daily, and preserve the relationship you have built.

We are complex and multifarious beings, and I think we need a number of people (and other things) in our lives to contribute to our ultimate fulfillment. A mother or father maybe, a best friend, a partner and / or a child. Together these individuals may each contribute a part of fulfilling our emotional, spiritual and physical needs. 1 personal doing all of that…..never.

My husband is not my soul mate, he doesn’t complete me and he is not the end-all-be-all of my world…he is my husband. He is my confidant, my  friend,  lover and long-time partner because I chose him to be those things, and he chose me to be those things, not because of some divine intervention bringing and keeping the two of us together.

My husband is not my soul mate, and it’s OK, he is my life partner, and that’s pretty special.


Cindy Breet • February 13, 2015

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